Every mycologist has a secret: they talk to their cultures. Sarah wasn't any different, except she had turned it into an art form.
"Good morning, my beautiful Lion's Mane! My, my, aren't you colonizing nicely?" she cooed at her favorite culture, bringing it so close she was practically pressing it against her cheek. "And you, little Reishi, still being stubborn? Don't worry, I know you're just taking your time."
Her new intern stood in the doorway, mouth slightly agape.
"Oh! I didn't see you there," Sarah said, not even slightly embarrassed. "You'll understand soon enough. These aren't just cultures - they're our colleagues. Very quiet colleagues who work 24/7 and never ask for a raise."
She moved down the line of cultures, giving each one its morning pep talk. "Hey there, Pink Oyster, looking absolutely fabulous today!" She paused at a particularly vigorous culture. "And who's been eating all their agar? You have! Yes, you have!"
The intern cleared his throat. "Dr. Sarah, do you... always talk to them like this?"
"Of course! Studies show plants grow better when you talk to them. And while fungi aren't plants, I figure a little encouragement never hurt anybody. Besides," she whispered conspiratorially, "between you and me, the Lion's Mane is a bit of a diva. Needs daily compliments or it sulks."
The intern rolled his eyes and slowly walked away.
ONE WEEK LATER...
Sarah walked into the lab, humming her favorite fungi-themed song. She stopped dead in her tracks.
There was the intern, in his lab coat, holding a petri dish close to his face and... was he kissing it?
"Come on, beautiful," he whispered to the culture, "show me that rhizomorphic growth you promised. You're doing amazing, sweetie!"
Sarah cleared her throat. the intern jumped, nearly dropping the petri dish, his face turning as pink as a pink oyster mushroom.
"I, uh... I was just..."
"Giving your culture some morning encouragement?" Sarah finished, trying to hide her grin. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Though I have to say, I'm more of a 'pep talk' person myself. Kissing seems a bit... forward for a first cultivation."
"Welcome to the culture club,"
Mycologists have a real connection with the fungi they grow. A connection that grows over time, You might not start out talking to yourself in the lab, but give it a little time. You will most definitely find yourself having an intense discussion with a petri dish about its lack of colonization.